• Kaiya

'Don't Hold Back'

Updated: Nov 15, 2021

Don’t Hold Back is a song that journeys through my healing of 26 years of unreliable relationships and the affects that had on my romantic life. It’s my awakening of “it’s not them, it’s me” and gaining my power back to create the relationships I truly want and deserve. I jumped into the studio freshly furious about a romantic relationship where I had overextended my love, I was so hurt that I almost didn’t go in. What resulted was an expression of what that painful experience triggered within me and how it’s helped me to grow.

I began “Don’t Hold Back” by realizing how much time I was giving to a person who quite simply, didn't deserve it/wasn't ready to receive it. In my opening lyric I really wanted to express that even though I was hurt, I was using this opportunity to learn - something that I highly value and that comes back in the songs break down at 2:05. Despite my difficult emotions I couldn't seem to shake off my desire for my partner and resulted in sacrificing my own needs to make it work. The hook solidifies my awakening, expressing what I needed to feel safe and waking up to how much I’d over extended myself in the name of “love”. As the song progresses I become more aware and stronger in my convictions, finally resulting in my letting go of the partner. The last hook is sung not to the ex partner but to myself, now taking full responsibility for how I feel and asking myself to step up to the plate.

Although the song was inspired by one relationship “Don’t Hold Back” isn’t about just that one, it explores an archetype that I kept attracting to push me into emotional awareness. I see life as cyclical and I found myself in a lesson loop of settling for less than I wanted in the name of “love”. The passion behind Don’t Hold Back essentially came from the partners that really did love me but weren’t ready/willing to action their feelings. Tirelessly waiting around for these types was immensely detrimental to my mental health. “Got better things to do, so give me the truth”. Don’t Hold Back isn’t just for those left feeling abandoned in relationships but also those that need encouragement to express their feelings to those they like/love before it’s too late. Both sides always have something to learn.

The Attachment theory describes that kind of relationship as an anxious/avoidant one. Our attachment styles come from the emotional connection we formed as an infant with our primary caregivers and determines how we relate to other people and respond to intimacy throughout life. An anxious attachment style stems from inconsistent parenting, while an avoidant attachment may have had a completely unavailable caregiver. I’ve come to believe that learning and honoring our differences in ability to give and receive love is paramount in creating healthy relationships. I've partnered with The Attachment Project to help make this self exploration process more accessible for my audience. To determine your attachment style in one easy quiz, click here.

One of my friends recently shared an analogy with me about giving and receiving in relationships. She explained that a 1 liter jug of water will always need 1 liter of water to feel fulfilled and always have only 1 liter to give. If that jug was in a relationship with a 50ml tea cup, which only needs 50ml to feel fulfilled and only ever having 50ml to give, the jug will always be left feeling too much while the tea cup will always be left feeling deficient. Neither the jug or the tea cup are in the wrong, it’s just a case of being different. It's paramount for both the tea cup and the jug to know/accept themselves and each other in order to have a healthy relationship.

*For those that read all the way to the bottom, I actually love you. I have a special announcement coming for you in the next week hehe* __ Don't Hold Back, out now: https://ffm.to/dontholdbackkaiya.ois Don't Hold Back Lyric Video: https://youtu.be/jUoeZkV1jlM Connect with me Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thesupremekaiya/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thesupremekaiya YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5lSE0Sb1U6N9nvIpNzdgPw Contact: Email: thesupremekaiya@gmail.com

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